Dr. Dial’s Miracle Baby Glue cure

The story of Yinniang.

Planet Yinniang was under siege from a corpulent, wandering asteroid.  Thankfully they had ample time to construe a response to this rude offshoot of a planetary body and its imminent collision but less fortunately they were of two minds on an optimal approach.

Yinniangians had calculated exactly the required trajectory and ordinance for the Planet-Bluster missile required to nudge the offensive asteroid to one side.   As it was, the asteroid was lumbering for a direct confrontation with their planet.  Upon impact it was expected to douse everyone with a bit of water (Yinniang was a water planet so getting wet would not be a problem, the soul-sucking hole underneath the water likely would be).

The challenge for Yinniangians was that they disagreed on the precise trajectory of the asteroid, whom they decided unanimously to label, Floyd.  Some said Floyd was listing slightly to the left and others said that he leaned starboard.  It was also felt by some that applying nautical terminology to an asteroid was wholly appropriate and that Floyd was mistakenly given a male moniker.

Deliberation on the appropriate side to take on the issue was extended to the planet and it was decided to nominate an executive committee to negotiate the correct approach.  After several months (Floyd was very slow), a decision was reached to keep Floyd gender neutral but decisions as to the precise point of affectation for an explosion were somewhat lacking, or at best obscure.  As a result, two missiles were built, and launched, one left, one right, and they collided.  Their collision occurred directly in front of Floyd and precipitated a divorce.

Floyd, or more accurately now, Floyd and Mabel, were still quite large and although they had split they were still attracted to each other.  They were resolved to stay together through the catastrophic occasion of their impact with a planet.

Yinniangians decided to repair the resulting defacement of their habitat with large manufactured vats of baby glue.  The miraculous properties of Baby Glue, discovered by Dr. Thomas D Dial, were famous primarily for their ability to form bonds quickly and for their attractive adhesion.  It was largely out of use on account of the fact that it’s major component was in fact babies.

It was reasoned that mortgaging the future of the world was not a bad investment when there was the distinct prospect of a lack of same.  Massive machines were deployed to spit out DDBG at the Northernmost impact site.

It remains to be seen whether this approach will ultimately be successful.


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